Put the pitchforks away!

 

There are a lot of opinions in social media and almost everywhere you go these days, and while visiting friends, as to who should become our next Commander in Chief and our city, state, and Congressional representatives.

 

Not infrequently, the opinions you’ll hear can get downright ugly. And I’ve been known to push back when they do — but only when confronted and challenged.

 

Early today and once last week as the weekend neared, I came very close to asking a dear friend to unfriend me (on social media and in person) until after the election because we kept getting on each other’s nerves — and we’re essentially on the same freaking side except that I’ll follow Bernie Sanders wherever he decides to go and my friend will abandon Bernie if he decides to work from within the Democratic infrastructure to redeem the party to return it to the people. (Yes, even if HRC chooses Bernie as her running mate, my friend will not budge.)

 

Now, I respect the position–don’t get me wrong! I just don’t respect that my friend seems hellbent on prying me from my personal commitment to “Bernie Wherever, Whenever!”.

 

Here’s the thing: If I want to be irritated there are countless places I can go to make sure it happens!   But I despise confrontations with a passion. I suppose this is why ballots are secret and why there’s a general edict against talking politics or religion in mixed company. People have been killed over differences of opinion about politics and religion! They can stir our passions and make our blood boil like little else.

 

I don’t need to be irritated in my home (it’s my sanctuary from all forms of external irritation), in my car, or anywhere else when I’m with friends. I get with friends to spend quality time together, not to fight (and I do mean fight, as in interrupting each other, leading with loaded, vitriolic, accusatory questions, statements and the like).

 

But as I was saying before I segued, in my supremely irritated condition I was “thisclose” to asking my friend to unfriend me (online and in real life) until after the election (HORRORS!)! But then I counted to two hundred and ten (that’s how irritated I was!) and considered the fact that the ONLY way this friend ever irritates me is when we talk about politics, and I decided that this was not a hill I was willing to sacrifice a fond friendship on.

 

So I set some hard-nosed boundaries. Good ones. Solid ones. If they’re violated again, all bets are off.  I’m simply not going to give up peace of mind for agitated pot-stirring.

 

During these travails I’ve discerned a few pointers about how to engage without enraging those wonderful people you know, love and respect who happen to disagree with you. May they help someone. (I’m going to do my best to adopt every last one of them myself! Wish me luck!)

 

1.) Love and respect the person you disagree with. If you’re about to inquire, “How can you support _______?” leave it right there on the cutting room floor. Instead, ask “Why do you support ________?” in a calm tone of voice and then shut the hell up and listen (whether you agree with the trajectory of what you’re hearing or not), instead of demanding  “How can you support ________ when….” followed by a list of apparently-damning things about their candidate which you have garnered from articles that are likely to be wildly one-sided, misleading, and propaganda-based. (Both sides put out the “facts”, figures and propaganda most likely to cause you to take such hardened sides that not even a nuclear holocaust will tear you from them.)

 

After you’ve heard (really listened and heard!) every last word that they want to contribute to the discussion, if they offer you the same courtesy, speak without accosting their integrity or their right to vote any way they damn well choose. Give them sufficient space, respect, and love to show them maximum mercy for not believing or voting exactly as you do. That’s what civilized people do, and it’s what they expect…and respect.

 

(You’re entitled to ONE vote–not theirs, too!)

 

2.) Don’t broad-brush an entire party, Democratic, Republican or otherwise:

 

“They’re all crooks, liars and vote thieves.”

 

“They’re all communists.”

 

“They’re all scoundrels.”

 

That’s what the narrative has been for untold generations now, and it serves the parties and mainstream media to keep it that way. United we can stand and demand what’s needed to redeem politics so it serves everyone, not just the oligarchs, plutocrats and corporations; divided, we’re anemic–and both parties like it that way. It allows them to continue “business as usual.”

 

Earlier today I heard the comment that Bernie Sanders should have dedicated himself to redeeming the Republican party, not the Democratic party because — well, because Bernie could do it and the person who said this is a former Republican who is deeply disappointed in the Republican party right now.

 

Same coin, flip side: I am delighted that Bernie chose the Democratic party to redeem because it appears most malleable at this point in our history. Why am I delighted? Because I’m a Democrat who is deeply disappointed in the Democratic party right now, and I know Bernie can redeem it! (Redeeming the DEM party is Bernie’s shorter path to victory than had he decided to take on the GOP from within. That party is imploding and may not even be a viable option in the coming years… which would be a tragic denouement for the party of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.)

 

Yes, I’d be mad if Bernie had chosen to redeem the GOP, so I “get it”!  I understand!  But it is what it is.  Bernie has decided on what he apparently perceives as the shortest path to victory.I suppose he wants to live long enough to see his lifelong vision for We the People materialize. I pray to God he will! He has fought for it long and hard. He should be on a beach somewhere instead of beating his brains out for all of us–but there he is. I am not going to sabotage his efforts. I’m going to do what he says is most likely to work. He has his finger on the pulse of what it will take. I trust him. He’s my leader.

 

3.) When you write something on behalf of the person you support, focus on what he or she brings, not on bashing his or her opponent(s). This way, those who disagree with you won’t feel personally maligned. Right now, if you read many political opinions on Facebook or elsewhere, they often include broadsides like “No thinking person can possibly support ____” (when millions of thinking people obviously do support the candidate in question) or “If you support so-and-so you support __________ (issues they may vehemently disagree with).”

 

Nobody anywhere supports every last thing a leader espouses. To call a candidate’s supporters “baby killers”/”war mongers” or “jackasses/stupid/low information voters” just shows your own biases in an unflattering, bullying way. Too many of the people who read what you write when you come across like that will think (whether they have the guts to tell you or not), “Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Call a therapist! You need help now, brother/sister!”

 

Bottom Line: If you have to bash another person’s candidate or a friend’s position to score a point (you don’t, you know!), the point isn’t worth making because no one will hear it–they’ll only pay attention to the attitude with which you spewed it.  (Distance is caused by discord. People step farther away when you come at them with a battering ram of loaded, vitriolic, condemnatory words.)

 

If you want to convince someone, remain calm, friendly and unruffled. Your friends and loved ones are far more likely to listen and be swayed when you treat them like the loved ones they are instead of enemies, numbskulls or bimbos. (IF they’re sway-able; you may as well not even try with folks who aren’t sway-able–and you’ll know right quick who they are simply by paying attention to their body language.)

 

Just sayin’!

 

Let me know how it works for you. Let me know if you can do it! I pledge on my honor to give it my best shot from this moment forward!